Hello all!
Sooo, for my first real blog topic, I wanted to talk about something that has been on my mind for a while now. Relationships. And, an even better side to that: breakups.
So, there are SO many people today who think that they have to be in a relationship to be happy. Annnnnd, I kinda want to slap those people in the face with a stinky fish. I'm sorry, too harsh? Okay, a regular smelling fish.
But seriously, I have a major problem with this. Now, I know this sounds SO cliché, but you won't find anyone who can fill that void you feel. This is because you are the only person who can fill it. You know why pretty and happy people have such great relationships? Because they are happy with themselves! If you can function on your own without getting all depressed, and just be happy with your own company, then guess what? Someone will want you! They'll want you because they see that you don't need them, so they'll want to be with you. Now, I know, it takes a second for that to make sense, but honestly, think about it. Take guys for example. They want an independent woman, right? They want someone who can pay her own bills and isn't concerned with him. Want a guy to like you? Act like you don't like him. Now, I know this isn't always the case. There are a lot of guys that want you to want them and to need them, but that's because they feel like they aren't good enough, and they need someone else to make them feel like they are worth something because if someone else needs them then obviously they have something to offer. (try saying that ten times fast. You lose your breath. I know. I tried. lol) But seriously, a healthy individual who is happy with theirself picks a partner based on whether or not they believe that partner can appreciate them as they feel they deserve to be appreciated. So, if you have a low self esteem, then anyone can fill that void. (again, I know. I tried.) But, if you respect yourself and your opinions and your thoughts and you feel that you are an amazing person, then you will only settle for someone who feels that way about you, as well. Granted, there are circumstances where they feel that way about you and, whoops! turns out they're a little crazy. (overly attached girlfriend types) But usually you'll attract people who genuinely appreciate you. I was talking to my roommate the other day (she and her boyfriend are my roommates) and she said something that really made me respect her. She said "I know he could have other girls if he wanted them, and he knows he could. He knows he's attractive, and he's not with me because I'm the only one who will be with him." See, I've been in relationships where I was there just because I was the only one who would be with them. And it was awful. There are reasons why you shouldn't do things like that. I mean, if you genuinely like the person and want to be with them, then have at it. But, generally, you should never do something like that because it isn't your place nor your responsibility to love this person just so that they will be loved. And I know that's harsh and kinda mean, but seriously. There is someone for everyone. They may not be able to find that person when they want them, but eventually they will find them. And if they don't, that's because they aren't meant to. They may have to learn a lesson about being alone, or being able to be alone and be happy. This lifetime may be the lifetime that they have to be alone, and by being with them just so that they aren't alone, you are hindering their personal growth.
Now, when you're in a relationship, there are a few things that I think everyone should have as a standard. First and foremost, does this person actually want to be with you. Are they just with you to be with you, or so that they aren't alone? Seriously, think about it. Do you want someone who has you just to fill a void that you can never fill, or do you want someone who actually wants you? Call me crazy, but I want someone who actually wants to be with me for me, not just because I'm the best choice. Now, I'm far from vain, but I'm not ugly. No, I'll never win any contests for most attractive, but I have a pleasant face, a slim body, and a nice ass. haha But, I feel that I deserve someone who finds me incredibly attractive. And attractive is different from sexy or cute. Attractive is beautiful, attractive is wanting to be in their presence because you just like their personality. Attractive is being nice and cute and funny. I would rather be attractive than sexy any day. Well, I take that back. I'd rather be attractive than hot anyday. Sexy, to me, is similar to attractive, only in an adult fashion. haha Anyway!!! Next! You should be with someone who appreciates you and respects you. Why would you be with someone who puts you down, doesn't notice the awesomeness that is you, and who disrespects you and your feelings? And if you know you love this person, but they don't do these things, talk to them. Make your feelings known. Don't be a baby about it, but approach them in a mature fashion and be like, "Look, these things are bothering me. I would appreciate it if you pay more attention when you say _____, etc." And if they don't change or respect you enough to acknowledge your feelings, kick his/her sorry ass to the curb!! And, I think one of the most important things: Don't force someone to be with you! If they don't want to be with you, don't make them! There is a reason for everything, and you just may find out that they aren't at all what you want. You think you know them, you think you love them, then you finally get them and you're like OMG, they changed! They didn't change, you just finally got to see them! Also, if you force someone to be with you, then there they are in a relationship they don't even want. They will either hurt you, cheat on you, mistreat you, or just be generally unhappy. Now, for all of you Overly Attached Girlfriend Types (henceforth known as OAGT's), there is someone out there who deserves all of the love you can give them. Don't waste it on someone who won't appreciate it.
As for breakups. Have fun! Like, seriously, have a blast. You wanna cry, go ahead. You wanna post millions of songs about how shitty the person is or how they made you feel, feel free! You feel the way you do for a reason, so express those feelings so that you can get them out of your system and move on with your life. And then, move on. Really, the relationship is over. MOVE THE F*(K ON! I just broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years. We had a long and, frankly, not that good of a relationship. There were hard times, and then there were f*(king crazy times. And every now and then we'd have this little sparkle, but by the end of the day it was ruined and we were back to one of us (usually me) being all broken hearted. My new favorite phrase has become "onto the next one." And the next person doesn't have to be another person. It can be you. It can be you flaunting your stuff or feeling attractive or surrounding yourself with friends who appreciate you. It can be hanging out with that best friend who is always there for you and always knows just what to say. Or, have a rebound relationship. Or even better, have rebound sex! (Teenagers, keep it in your pants! Don't listen to that part of the advice about sex, be celebite! lol I don't even know how to spell that word.) Do whatever it is that you need to do, but move on. If they don't want to be with you, don't waste your time trying to force them. You deserve better than that. You deserve someone who will appreciate you. You deserve someone who acknowledges what a beautiful being you are, and who will always want you.
Now, I want to clarify and say that I'm not judging anyone who fits any of the descriptions I have mentioned. I don't blame you, hell, I've been you. But I do want to say that you deserve better. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have a fulfilling relationship, not a hole-filling relationship.
I hope everyone is having a fantastic week!
Lots of love and light!
Davy
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